::: MHO ::: Morning With Dhasu SMS

	Enter Your Email                       Learn PhotoShop @ http://www.mumbaihangout.net   Teacher'pyar aur ishq mein kya farak hai? Student'- sir pyar woh hai jo aap apni beti se karte hain aur ishq woh hai jo main aapki beti se karta hoon.....! Q: why do boys go 2 temples? Ans: coz temple is d only place wr u can find Pooja Bhawana Shrdha Aarti Archna Aradhna Laxmi sarswati Shanti ( / ; ) ( / SO rahe ho KYA? ( ì ; ( ( ì GHOORO MAT ( I ; ) ( ì AAKHE KHOLO ( ì ; ) (é DONO KHOLO (é ; ) (é CHALO sms bhejo Vishvas rakhna meri dosti par, hum aakhir tak dosti nibhayenge, jarurt padi agar dosti mein imtihan dene ki to.. tum imtehan dena hum parchi fekne ayenge... Mallika Sherawat went to a shop in a two piece swimming costume Guard, "Madam here 2 piece costume is not allowed..." Mallika, "Kaunsa utaroon ?" Agar apko lagta hai ki aap beautiful hain, smart hain, charming hain to kutta paliye, billi paliye, sher paliye, magar galat FAIMI MAT PALIYE Haryanvi Jaat riding a cycle & hits a girl. Girl: Ghanti nahi maari jaati kya? Jaat: Re chhori baawli dikhe? Poori cycle maar di ib ghanti alag se maru ke. Doge to muskura kam se kam aap par hai bheja sms yeh jisne nikaloge gaaliyan ko samajhdar us aap baad ke padne ko sms is. CONFUSED NA:-niche se upar padho. MIL GAYA OYE, MIL GAYA. OYE,OYE, OYE... MIL GAYA... OYE, MIL GAYA OYE... MIL GYA... OHO OH Apna kam chad k mera msg padhan wala mil gaya.. .**. ( '_' ) (,)(")(") .**. ( '_' ) (,) J) LJ.J .**. ( '_' ) (J (,) c.J.J *. ' ) (,) main ja laha hu Kisiko meli yad nahi ati..Koi sms hi nhi kalta... Ya dil pyar ke qabil na raha, Koi bhi izhar ke qabil na raha,Is dil main bas gayi dosti aapki ab tu chand bhi deedar ke kabil na raha!kal ho na ho..aj tu hai…aaj ho na ho…ya pel tu hay..ya pal ho na ho..hum tu hian…hum ho na ho..humari dosti tu hay… Aey mere SMS mere dost ke pass jana.. ager wo so rahi ho tu shor mat machana, jab wo jage tu dheere say MUSKURANA phir khana KUNJUS sms karoo! * What do they call French Toilet in Bihar ? La loo * Once Laloo was coming out of Airport. As there was huge rush the security guard told Laloo "WAIT SIR" for which Laloo replied "65Kgs" and moved on... * Once Laloo wanted to know the time difference between Bihar and Las Vegas. So he called up the Tourist department and asked them "Ji could you tell me the time difference between Patna and Las Begas...". The man at the other end replies "One second sir..." and Laloo immediately replies "thank you" and puts the phone down. * Laloos family planning policy.. "Don't have more than two children in one year" * At a bar in New York, the man to Laloo's left tells the bartender, "JOHNNIE WALKER, SINGLE." & the man's companion says, "JACK DANIELS, SINGLE." The bartender approaches Laloo and asks, "AND YOU, SIR?" Laloo replies: "LALOO YADAV, MARRIED." * After having become the Railway Minister, Laloo decides to pose for a picture. To show he is down to earth Railway Minister he decides to pose along with a herd of buffaloes and resting his elbows on the back of the cattle he poses for the photo. Next day the photo appears front page of a newspaper. GUESS THE CAPTION "Laloo, third from left" * Laloo Yadav was hosting a Japanese Delegation for Business Development to Bihar. The Japanese Embssary was quite impressed with Bihar and he stated, "Bihar is an excellent state. Give us three years and we will turn it into an economic superpower like Japan." Laloo was very surprised. "You Japanese are very inepicient," he stated "Give me three days and I will turn Japan into Bihar" * A reporter asked Laloo "What is the main reason for a divorce ?" "Marriage" Boss: Where were you born? sardar : Punjab .. Boss : which part ? sardar : Kya which part ? Whole body born in punjab. Tourist: Whose skeleton is that? Santa: Tipu's skeleton. Tourist: Whose that smaller skeleton next to it? Santa: That was Tipu's skeleton when he was child ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __ 2 sardar were fixing a bomb in a car. Sardar 1 : What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing. sardar 2 : Dont worry, I have one more. Sardar : What is the name of your car ? Lady : I forgot the name, but is starts with 'T'. Sardar : Oye Kamaal ki gaadi hai, Tea se start hoti hai. Hamaara gaadi petrol se start hoti hai. Sardar was busy removing a wheel from his auto. A man asks sardar why are you removing a wheel from your auto. sardar : Cant you read the board. Parking is only for 2 wheeler. Sardar got into a bus on 1st April when conductor asked for ticket. He gave Rs.10/- and took the ticket and said April fool. I have pass. Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer. Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening. Sardar : Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright. On a romantic day sardar's girlfriend asks him. Darling on our engagement day will you give me a ring. Sardar : Ya sure, from landline or mobile. In an interview, Interviewer: How does an electric motor run? Santa: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. ..... Inteviewer shouts: Stop it. Santa: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup... Doctor to patient : You will die within 2 hours. Do you want to see any one before you die? Patient : Yes. A good doctor. Banta: U cheated me. Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u. Banta: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says This is all India Radio! Museum Administrator: That's a 500-year-old statue u've broken. Banta: Thank God! I thought it was a new one. How will you destroy a submarine full of sardars ? Simple. Just knock the door and they will open it.... A man to Santa: Aao ji chess khelein Santa: Tu chal mein sports shoes pehen kar aaya. At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh! Santa: Control yourself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying? Santa was getting bitten by mosquitoes the whole night. He got irritated... drank poison & said, Ab kaato saalon, sab maroge! Doctor to patient : You will die within 2 hours. Do you want to see any one before you die? Patient : Yes. A good doctor. With due respect to all Marathi Ladies and Gentlemen (Plz. don't feel bad) 1. One who only takes - LELE 2. One with bulb factory - DIVEKAR 3. Maharashtrian Bill Gates - BAL PHATAK 4. One with weight of 100 tonnes - SOMAN 5. Neil Armstrong - NEELESH BHUJBAL 6. One with K on his head - SHIRKE 7. Bakery owner - PAWGI /BUNKAR 8. Narasimha Avtar - POTPHODE 9. One with stomach problem - POTDUKHE 10. One who lives in village - GAONKAR 11. One who only take money - DAMLE 12. One who is brave - WAGH /VEERKAR 13. One who is untidy - GABALE 14. Cotton mill owner - KAPSE /RUIKAR 15. One who eats more - DHOLE/DHAMDHERE 16. One who works very cool - KULKARNI 17. Building constructor - AADEKAR/MAHALE 18. One who is coward - PULEKAR 19. Silver mine owner - CHANDEKAR 20. One who reaches the root - MULEY 21. One who is real cat - MANJAREKAR 22. One who is 1000 times more intellegent- SAHASRABUDHHE 23. One who divides by 2 - NIMKAR 24. One who kills - MARANE 25. Do die do - KARMARKAR 26. One who twists - PILGAONKARO 27. The God - DEVO/DEO-kule 28. Big old Rishi - MAHAMUNI 29. One who always wins - JAYKAR 30. One who talks a lot - MAHASHABDE 31. One who doesn't talk - GOOPCHOOP 32. One who builds temples - DEVALEKAR 33. One who runs away - BHAGWAT 34. One who blackens everything - KAJALE 35. One who always says 'take away' - NENE 36. One who is father - BAPAT 37. One with tailoring shop - SHIWDE 38. Jeweller - RATNAPARAKHI 39. One who always go to varanasi - KASHIKAR 40. One who is very sweat - GODSE 41. Its okay - BARWE 42. Mango man - AAMBEKAR 43. One who thinks - VICHAARE 44. One who is close to everyone - JAWALKAR 45. One who is wise - SHAHANE 46. One who is bald - TAKLE 47. ONE WHO THINKS OF ONLY MEALS - DAHIBHATHE 48. Colourful maharashtrians - KALE - GORE - HIRWE - KALBHOR - PIWALE - DHAWLE 49. Some Metallic Maharashtrians - PITALE - TAMBE - LOKHANDE - SONE Bill Gates was in India last year. He announced that Microsoft plans to release a Windows version in Hindi. Here are some ofthe Windows related terms that have been approved by Bill Gatesto be used in the Hindi version of... Atyant Mulayam Khidkiyan Atyant Mulayam = Microsoft Khidki = Window Phaail = File Bachao = Save Aise Bachao = Save as Subko Bachao = Save All Mujhe Bachao = Help Madad Pe Madad = Help On Help Dhoondo = Find Firse Dhoondo = Find Again Hilao = Move Chaara = Options Bura sandesh yaa phail naam = Bad command or file name Garbh girao, Firse koshish karo, Naakaamyab = Abort, retry,fail chhavo = Tile Aadmi Bhejo = Send Mail Daak = Mail Daakiya = Mailer Bhaago = Run Chhaapo = Print Dekh Ke Chhaapo = Print Preview Chipkao = Paste Khaas Chipkao = Paste Special Mitao = Delete Kagaz Uper = Page Up Kagaz Neeche = Page Down Anth = End Saaf karo = Clear Sab Kuch Saaf Karo = Clear All Makan = Home Topi Ka Tala = CapsLock Hathiyaar = Tools Khuli Chaadar = Spreadsheet Futaas Ki Goli Kha = Exit Ped = Tree Chooha = Mouse Chooha Chalak = Mouse Driver (Software) Tik-Tik Karo = Click Idhar-se-Udhar,Udhar-se-Idhar Wala Danda = Scrollbar Pardha = Screen Pardha Bachanewala = Screen Saver Krimi = Virus Tika = Anti Virus Karo = Do Galthi = Error Ghusao = Insert Pahle Ghusao = Insert Before Beech Mein ghusao = Insert Between Baadhme Ghusao = Insert After Chabi Phalak = Key board Choohha Ka Bisthar = Mouse Pad Avaaz Phodney Wali Cheez = Sound Blaster Antarjatiya Jaal = InterNet Baath Cheeth Dabba = Dialog Box Chale? = Exit? These are from a book called "Disorder in the Court." These are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters - who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. Q: What is your date of birth? A: July fifteenth. Q: What year? A: Every year. ____________________________________________________________________ Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning? A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?" Q: And why did that upset you? A: My name is Susan. ____________________________________________________________________ Q: And where was the location of the accident? A: Approximately milepost 499. Q: And where is milepost 499? A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500. ____________________________________________________________________ Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? ____________________________________________________________________ Q: Were you present when your picture was taken? ____________________________________________________________________ Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? A: Yes. Q: And what were you doing at that time? ___________________________________________________________________ Q: She had three children, right? A: Yes. Q: How many were boys? A: None. Q: Were there any girls? ____________________________________________________________________ Q: How was your first marriage terminated? A: By death. Q: And by whose death was it terminated? _______________________________________________________________ Q: Can you describe the individual? A: He was about medium height and had a beard. Q: Was this a male or a female? ____________________________________________________________________ Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people? A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. ____________________________________________________________________ Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time? A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy. ____________________________________________________________________ Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? A: No. Q: Did you check for blood pressure? A: No. Q: Did you check for breathing? A: No. Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? A: No. Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor? A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless? A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law Somewhere                                                                                                                  BRILLIANT WAYS GIRLS TURN GUYS DOWN! HE: I'm a photographer I've been looking for a face like yours! SHE:I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours!! HE: May I have the pleasure of this dance? SHE: No, I'd like to have some pleasure too!!! HE: How did you get to be so beautiful? SHE: I must have been given your share!!! HE: Will you come out with me this Saturday? SHE: Sorry! I'm having a headache this weekend!!! HE: Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out! SHE: Okay, get out! HE: I think I could make you very happy… SHE: Why? Are you leaving? HE: What would you say if I asked u to marry me? SHE: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time! HE: Can I have your name? SHE: Why, don't you already have one? HE: Shall we go and see a film? SHE: I've already seen it! HE:Do you think it was fate that brought us together? SHE: Nah, it was plain bad luck!!! HE: Where have you been all my life? SHE: Hiding from you. HE: Haven't I seen you someplace before? SHE: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore. HE: Is this seat empty? SHE: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down. HE:So, what do you do for a living? SHE: I'm a female impersonator. HE: Hey baby, what's your sign? SHE: Do not enter. *Adam and Eve virus:* Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple. *Airline virus:* You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore. *Anita Hill virus:* Lies dormant for ten years. *Arnold Schwarzenegger virus:* Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back. *AT&T virus:* Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting. *The MCI virus:* Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus. *Bill Clinton virus:* This virus mutates from region to region and we're not exactly sure what it does. *Bill Clinton virus:* Promises to give equal time to all processes: 50% to poor, slow processes; 50% to middle-class processes, and 50% to rich ones. This virus protests your computer's involvement in other computer's affairs, even though it has been having one of its own for 12 years. *Congressional Virus:* Overdraws your computer. *Congressional Virus:* The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem. *Dan Quayle virus:* Prevents your system from spawning any child processes without joining into a binary network. *Dan Quayle virus:* Simplye addse ane ee toe everye worde youe typee.. *David Duke virus:* Makes your screen go completely white. *Elvis virus:* Your computer gets fat, slow, and lazy and then self destructs, only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America. *Federal bureaucrat virus:* Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which do practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of the computer. *Freudian virus:* Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own motherboard. *Gallup virus:* Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent of their data 14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of error). *George Bush virus:* Doesn't do anything, but you can't get rid of it until November. *Government economist virus:* Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine. *Jerry Brown virus:* Blanks your screen and begins flashing an 800 number. *Madonna virus:* If your computer gets this virus, lock up your dog! *Mario Cuomo virus:* It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run. *Michael Jackson virus:* Hard to identify because it is constantly altering its appearance. This virus won't harm your PC, but it will trash your car. *New World Order virus:* probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about it. *Nike virus:* Just Does It! *Ollie North virus:* Turns your printer into a document shredder. *Oprah Winfrey virus:* Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands back to 200MB. *Pat Buchanan virus:* Shifts all your output to the extreme right of your screen. *Paul Revere virus:* This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It warns you of impending hard disk attack---once if by LAN, twice if by C:. *Paul Tsongas virus:* Pops up on December 25 and says, "I'm not Santa Claus." *PBS virus:* Your PC stops every few minutes to ask for money. *Politically correct virus:* Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism". *Richard Nixon virus:* Also known as the "Tricky Dick Virus", you can wipe it out but it always makes a comeback. *Right To Life virus:* Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a counselor about possible alternatives. *Ross Perot virus:* Activates every component in your system, just before the whole thing quits. *Ted Kennedy virus:* Crashes your computer but denies it ever happened. *Ted Turner virus:* Colorizes your monochrome monitor. *Terry Randle virus:* Prints "Oh no you don't" whenever you choose "Abort" from the "Abort, Retry, Fail" message. *Texas virus:* Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file. *UK Parliament virus:* Splits the screen into two with a message in each half blaming other side for the state of the system. *Warren Commission virus:* Won't allow you to open your files for 75 years. Q: What causes the tides A: The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon all water tends to flow 2wards the moon bcuz ther is no water on the moon and the nature abhors a vaccum i forget where the sun joins in thia fight Q: What happens to a boy when he reach puperty A: He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks 4ward 2 his adultery Q: How is dew formed A: The sun shines on the leaves and make them perspire Q: Explain an process by which water can b made safe to drink A: Filteration makes water safe to drink bcuz it removes large pollutants like grit sand DEAD SHEEP and CANOEISTS Q: What is a planet A: A body of earth surrounded by sky Q: What are steroids A: Things 4 keeping the carpet still on the stairs Q: How can u delay milk turning sour A: Keep it in a cow Q: Give an example of fungus wat is there chacteristic feature A: Mushrooms ! they grow in damp places so they look like umbrellas Q: What is a thermalk illness A: When u r sick at an airport Q: What is an turbine A: Something an arab wears Q: Name the 4 seasons A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar Santa bought a new mobile. He called everyone from his Phone Book & said "My Mobile No. has changed. Earlier it was Nokia 3310 Now it is 6610." Santa : I am a Proud Santa, My son is in Medical College. Banta : Really, what is he studying? Santa : No he is not studying, they are Studying him. Santa: What is Common between Krishna, Ram, Gandhiji & Jesus? Banta: All are Born on Government Holidays. Pappu, while filling up a form: Dad, what should I write for mother tongue? Banta: Very long! Frog: Tumhare paas dimaag nahin hai. Santa: Hai. Frog: Nahin hai. Santa: Hai. Frog: Nahin hai & jumps into the well. Santa: Isme suicide karne waali kya baat thi? Banta was caught for speeding and went before the judge. The judge: What will you take 30 days or Rs.3000? Banta: I think I'll take the money. Santa: My dad was an extremely brave man. He once entered a lion's cage. Banta: He probably might have got a lot of applause when he came out. Santa: He never came out of the cage! Santa found answer to the most difficult question ever What comes first the chicken or the egg? O yaar, jiska order pehle doge, vo ayega! Teacher to Banta: Where were you born? Banta : In Tiruvanantapuram. Teacher : Spell it? Banta : (after thinking) I think I was born in GOA. Santa : People consider me as a GOD Banta : How do you know?? Santa : When I went to the Park today, everybody said, Oh GOD! You have came again. Santa complained to Police : Sir all items are missing, except the TV in my house. Police : Why did the thief not take the TV? Santa : I was watching the TV. LAW OF QUEUE: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now. LAW OF TELEPHONE: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one. LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch. LAW OF THE WORKSHOP: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. LAW OF THE ALIBI: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire. BATH THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings. LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with. LAW OF THE RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will! LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach. THEATRE RULE: People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle arrive last. LAW OF COFFEE: As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold. Murphy's Law 1. DRESS CODE: It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing $350 Prada sneakers & carrying a $600 Gucci bag we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. 2. SICK DAYS: We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. 3. SURGERY: Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment. 4. PERSONAL DAYS: Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays and Sundays. 5. VACATION DAYS: All employees will take their vacation at the same time every year. The vacation days are as follows: January 1, July 4, and December 25. 6. BEREAVEMENT LEAVE: This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for deceased friends, relatives, or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your work is done. 7. OUT FROM YOUR OWN DEATH: This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice as it is your duty to train your own replacement. 8. RESTROOM USE: Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. In the future, we will follow the practice of going once each day, in alphabetical order. For instance, all employees whose names begin with 'A' will go from 8 to 8:20, employees whose names begin with 'B' will go from 8:20 to 8:40 and so on. If you're unable to go at your allotted time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your turn comes again. In extreme emergencies employees may swap their time with a coworker. Both employees' supervisors must approve this exchange in writing. In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, and the stall door will open. 9. LUNCH BREAK: Skinny people get an hour for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 30 minutes for lunch to get a balance meal to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.       Though this policy is OLD, it is revised...! ++++++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ Q: Daddy, why did we have to attack Iraq? A: Because they had weapons of mass destruction honey. Q: But the inspectors didn't find any weapons of mass destruction. A: That's because the Iraqis were hiding them. Q: And that's why we invaded Iraq? A: Yep. Invasions always work better than inspections. Q: But after we invaded them, we STILL didn't find any weapons of mass destruction, did we? A: That's because the weapons are so well hidden. Don't worry, we'll find something, probably right before the 2008 election. Q: Why did Iraq want all those weapons of mass destruction? A: To use them in a war, silly. Q: I'm confused. If they had all those weapons that they planned to use in a war, then why didn't they use any of those weapons when we went to war with them? A: Well, obviously they didn't want anyone to know they had those weapons, so they chose to die by the thousands rather than defend themselves. Q: That doesn't make sense Daddy. Why would they choose to die if they had all those big weapons to fight us back with? A: It's a different culture. It's not supposed to make sense. Q: I don't know about you, but I don't think they had any of those weapons our government said they did. A: Well, you know, it doesn't matter whether or not they had those weapons. We had another good reason to invade them anyway. Q: And what was that? A: Even if Iraq didn't have weapons of mass destruction, Saddam Hussein was a cruel dictator, which is another good reason to invade another country. Q: Why? What does a cruel dictator do that makes it OK to invade his country? A: Well, for one thing, he tortured his own people. Q: Kind of like what they do in China? A: Don't go comparing China to Iraq. China is a good economic competitor, where millions of people work for slave wages in sweatshops to make U.S. corporations richer. Q: So if a country lets its people be exploited for American corporate gain, it's a good country, even if that country tortures people? A: Right. Q: Why were people in Iraq being tortured? A: For political crimes, mostly, like criticizing the government. People who criticized the government in Iraq were sent to prison and tortured. Q: Isn't that exactly what happens in China? A: I told you, China is different. Q: What's the difference between China and Iraq? A: Well, for one thing, Iraq was ruled by the Ba'ath party, while China is Communist. Q: Didn't you once tell me Communists were bad? A: No, just Cuban Communists are bad. Q: How are the Cuban Communists bad? A: Well, for one thing, people who criticize the government in Cuba are sent to prison and tortured. Q: Like in Iraq? A: Exactly. Q: And like in China, too? A: I told you, China's a good economic competitor. Cuba, on the other hand, is not. Q: How come Cuba isn't a good economic competitor? A: Well, you see, back in the early 1960s, our government passed some laws that made it illegal for Americans to trade or do any business with Cuba until they stopped being communists and started being capitalists like us. Q: But if we got rid of those laws, opened up trade with Cuba, and started doing business with them, wouldn't that help the Cubans become capitalists? A: Don't be a smart-ass. Q: I didn't think I was being one. A: Well, anyway, they also don't have freedom of religion in Cuba. Q: Kind of like China and the Falun Gong movement? A: I told you, stop saying bad things about China. Anyway, Saddam Hussein came to power through a military coup, so he's not really a legitimate leader anyway. Q: What's a military coup? A: That's when a military general takes over the government of a country by force, instead of holding free elections like we do in the United States. Q: Didn't the ruler of Pakistan come to power by a military coup? A: You mean General Pervez Musharraf? Uh, yeah, he did, but Pakistan is our friend. Q: Why is Pakistan our friend if their leader is illegitimate? A: I never said Pervez Musharraf was illegitimate. Q: Didn't you just say a military general who comes to power by forcibly overthrowing the legitimate government of a nation is an illegitimate leader? A: Only Saddam Hussein. Pervez Musharraf is our friend, because he helped us invade Afghanistan. Q: Why did we invade Afghanistan? A: Because of what they did to us on September 11th. Q: What did Afghanistan do to us on September 11th? A: Well, on September 11th, nineteen men, fifteen of them Saudi Arabians, hijacked four airplanes and flew three of them into buildings, killing over 3,000 Americans. Q: So how did Afghanistan figure into all that? A: Afghanistan was where those bad men trained, under the oppressive rule of the Taliban. Q: Aren't the Taliban those bad radical Islamics who chopped off people's heads and hands? A: Yes, that's exactly who they were. Not only did they chop off people's heads and hands, but they oppressed women, too. Q: Didn't the Bush administration give the Taliban 43 million dollars back in May of 2001? A: Yes, but that money was a reward because they did such a good job fighting drugs. Q: Fighting drugs? A: Yes, the Taliban were very helpful in stopping people from growing opium poppies. Q: How did they do such a good job? A: Simple. If people were caught growing opium poppies, the Taliban would have their hands and heads cut off. Q: So, when the Taliban cut off people's heads and hands for growing flowers, that was OK, but not if they cut people's heads and hands off for other reasons? A: Yes. It's OK with us if radical Islamic fundamentalists cut off people's hands for growing flowers, but it's cruel if they cut off people's hands for stealing bread. Q: Don't they also cut off people's hands and heads in Saudi Arabia? A: That's different. Afghanistan was ruled by a tyrannical patriarchy that oppressed women and forced them to wear burqas whenever they were in public, with death by stoning as the penalty for women who did not comply. Q: Don't Saudi women have to wear burqas in public, too? A: No, Saudi women merely wear a traditional Islamic body covering. Q: What's the difference? A: The traditional Islamic covering worn by Saudi women is a modest yet fashionable garment that covers all of a woman's body except for her eyes and fingers. The burqa, on the other hand, is an evil tool of patriarchal oppression that covers all of a woman's body except for her eyes and fingers. Q: It sounds like the same thing with a different name. A: Now, don't go comparing Afghanistan and Saudi Arabia. The Saudis are our friends. Q: But I thought you said 15 of the 19 hijackers on September 11th were from Saudi Arabia. A: Yes, but they trained in Afghanistan. Q: Who trained them? A: A very bad man named Osama bin Laden. Q: Was he from Afghanistan? A: Uh, no, he was from Saudi Arabia too. But he was a bad man, a very bad man. Q: I seem to recall he was our friend once. A: Only when we helped him and the mujahadeen repel the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan back in the 1980s. Q: Who are the Soviets? Was that the Evil Communist Empire Ronald Reagan talked about? A: There are no more Soviets. The Soviet Union broke up in 1990 or thereabouts, and now they have elections and capitalism like us. We call them Russians now. Q: So the Soviets ? I mean, the Russians ? are now our friends? A: Well, not really. You see, they were our friends for many years after they stopped being Soviets, but then they decided not to support our invasion of Iraq, so we're mad at them now. We're also mad at the French and the Germans because they didn't help us invade Iraq either. Q: So the French and Germans are evil, too? A: Not exactly evil, but just bad enough that we had to rename French fries and French toast to Freedom Fries and Freedom Toast. Q: Do we always rename foods whenever another country doesn't do what we want them to do? A: No, we just do that to our friends. Our enemies, we invade. Q: But wasn't Iraq one of our friends back in the 1980s? A: Well, yeah. For a while. Q: Was Saddam Hussein ruler of Iraq back then? A: Yes, but at the time he was fighting against Iran, which made him our friend, temporarily. Q: Why did that make him our friend? A: Because at that time, Iran was our enemy. Q: Isn't that when he gassed the Kurds? A: Yeah, but since he was fighting against Iran at the time, we looked the other way, to show him we were his friend. Q: So anyone who fights against one of our enemies automatically becomes our friend? A: Most of the time, yes. Q: And anyone who fights against one of our friends is automatically an enemy? A: Sometimes that's true, too. However, if American corporations can profit by selling weapons to both sides at the same time, all the better. Q: Why? A: Because war is good for the economy, which means war is good for America Also, since God is on America's side, anyone who opposes war is a godless un-American Communist. Do you understand now why we attacked Iraq? Q: I think so. We attacked them because God wanted us to, right? A: Yes. Q: But how did we know God wanted us to attack Iraq? A: Well, you see, God personally speaks to George W. Bush and tells him what to do. Q: So basically, what you're saying is that we attacked Iraq because George W. Bush hears voices in his head? A: Yes! You finally understand how the world works. Now close your eyes, make yourself comfortable, and go to sleep. Good night.   Santa Again ... 1. Santa got into a bus on 1st April when conductor asked for ticket. He gave Rs.10/- and took the ticket and said April fool. I have pass. 2. Santa joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer. Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening. Santa : Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright. 3. On a romantic day santa's girlfriend asks him. Darling on our engagement day will you give me a ring. Santa : Ya sure, from landline or mobile. 4. Doctor to patient : Y o u will die within 2 hours. Do you want to see any one before you die? Patient : Yes. A good doctor. 5. santa & Banta were fixing a bomb in a car. Santa : What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing. banta: Dont worry, I have a one more. 6. Interviewer : When is your birthday. Santa : 13th Oct. Interviewer : which year ? santa : Oye Ullu ke patte : Every year. 7. Santa was busy removing a wheel from his auto. A man asks santa why are you removing a wheel from your auto. santa : Cant you read the board. Parking is only for 2 wheeler. 8. Santa : What is the name of your car ? Lady : I forgot the name, but is starts with "T". Santa : Oye Kamaal ki gaadi hai, Tea se start hoti hai. Hamaara gaadi petrol se start hoti hai. 9. Boss : Where were you born ? santa : Punjab. Boss : which part ? santa : Kya which part ? Whole body born in punjab. 10. American told santa : Hamare desh me 90% shaadi e-mail se hoti hai. Santa : Kya bath hai. Hamari desh me 100% female se hoti hai. 11. How will you destroy a submarine full of santas? Simple. Just knock the door and they will open it. Santas best I filled up my car's fuel tank, and I thought fuel has become really expensive after the recent price hike. But then I compared it with other common liquids and did some quick calculations, and I felt a little better. To know why, see the results below â€" you'll be surprised at how outrageous some other prices are ! ! Diesel (regular) in Mumbai : Rs.36.08 per litre Petrol (speed) in Mumbai : Rs.52 per litre Coca Cola 330 ml can : Rs.20 = Rs.61 per litre Dettol antiseptic 100 ml Rs.20 = Rs.200 per litre Radiator coolant 500 ml Rs.160 = Rs.320 per litre Pantene conditioner 400 ml Rs.165 = Rs.413 per litre Medicinal Mouthwash like Listerine 100 ml Rs.45 = Rs. 450 per litre Red Bull 150 ml can : Rs.75 = Rs.500 per litre Corex cough syrup 100 ml Rs.57 = Rs. 570 per litre Evian water 500 ml Rs. 330 = Rs. 660 per litre Rs. 660 for a litre of WATER !! And the buyers don't even know the source (Evian spelled backwards is Naive.) Kores whiteout 15 ml Rs. 15 = Rs. 1000 per litre Cup of coffee at any decent business hotel 100 ml Rs. 50 = Rs. 500 per litre Old Spice after shave lotion 100 ml Rs. 175 = Rs. 1750 per litre Pure almond oil 25 ml Rs. 68 = Rs. 2720 per litre And this is the REAL KICKER... HP DeskJet colour ink cartridge 21 ml Rs.1900 = Rs. 90476 per litre!!! Now you know why computer printers are so cheap ? So they have you hooked for the ink ! So, the next time you're at the pump, don't curse anyone just be glad your car doesn't run on cough syrup, after shave, coffee, or God forbid, printer ink! 13 June, 2008 Great Answers from Australia These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humour. ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __ Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK ). A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die. ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __ Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA ) A: Depends how much you've been drinking. ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __ Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden ) A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water. ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __ Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia ? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane , Cairns ,Townsville and Hervey Bay ? ( UK ) A: What did your last slave die of? ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __ Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? ( USA ) A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe . Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not ... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked. ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __ Q: Which direction is North in Australia ? ( USA ) A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions. ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _ Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? ( UK ) A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do. ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __ Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA ) A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is ... oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked. ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __ Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? ( UK ) A: You are a British politician, right? ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __ Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? ( Germany ) A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal . ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __ Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can Dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA ) A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets. ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __ Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia , but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. ( USA ) A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking. ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __ Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? ( USA ) A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather. ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __ Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? ( Italy ) A: Yes, gay night clubs. ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __ Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? ( France ) A: Only at Christmas. ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __ Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the Girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross*. Can you help? ( USA ) A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.. ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __ Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA ) A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first. 6th Place It was mealtime during a flight on a British Airways plane: 'Would you like dinner?' the flight attendant asked the man seated in the front row. 'What are my choices?' the man asked. 'Yes or no,' she replied. 5th Place A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without blinking an eyelid she said, 'Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub.' 4th Place A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at a branch of Sainsbury's but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a passing assistant, 'Do these turkeys get any bigger?' The assistant replied, ' I'm afraid not, they're dead.' 3rd Place The policeman got out of his car and approached the boy racer he stopped for speeding. 'I've been waiting for you all day,' the bobby said. The kid replied, 'Yes, well I got here as fast as I could.' When the policeman finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket. 2nd Place A lorry driver was driving along on a country road. A sign came up that read ' Low Bridge Ahead.' Before he realised it, the bridge was directly ahead and he got stuck under it. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The policeman got out of his car and walked to the lorry's cab and said to the driver, 'Got stuck, eh?' The lorry driver said, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of petrol!' 1st Place (Best) A teacher at a polytechnic college reminded her pupils of tomorrow's final exam. 'Now listen to me, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!' A smart-arsed guy at the back of the room raised his hand and asked, 'What would happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?' The entire class was reduced to laughter and sniggering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, 'Well, I suppose you'd have to write with your other hand'. . Send this mail to your Friends & Dear Ones Visit Us WebSite: http://www.MumbaiHangout.Org Forum: http://www.MumbaiHangout.Net A Group By "Please Keep your Inbox Empty" |-To Keep Your Membership Status Active-| Join Us ( Mumbai Hangout==> MHO ) And Have Fun, Read & See Gr8 Mailz, Funny Pics, Find Good & True Friends In Group, Ask The Solutions Of Your Problems through Mailz, Post Your Requests also and Many More... Only In  Mumbai Hangout. 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